What I Hate

1. New York. The stupid John Abraham hindi movie. Bad acting, bad script, decent script blown to melodramatic proportions, thus made bad. Oh, and the director's ENDLESS obsession with slow motion takes that make you want to pull your arm off - its like he was in competition with The Matrix, won that competition, but went on because he'd forgotten how to stop.

2. Bad acting. Something New York is replete with. IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT TO SCREAM! JUST F**KING SCREAM! THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO NEED TO MAKE STUPID MOUSE FACES IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCREAMING SEQUENCE! The most depressing part is that the stupid white extras were actually better than the lead actors. Except Irrfan Khan, of course:P

3. People who get away with making shit like this, just because it shows the States up and reeks of pro-Indian sentiment. I'm not saying illegally detaining innocent non-terrorists is good, I'm saying that letting whoever it was that wrote New York lose in the world was a bad idea. 

4. People who come to the movies with you, and when you complain about how the movie was bad, say things like, 'But the concept was so good. You're just a cynic. On purpose.'

Communism was a fantastic concept, too sweetie. But then it belched out Stalin. Just like some stupid my-life-in-America-is-unfair-but-I'm-still-going-to-live-here-and-cry-about-it NRI crackhead was belched out of what could have been quite a moving story if it had been allowed to develop into one.

Tina Fey

I recently started watching 30 Rock, as a way of easing some of the boredom I've been experiencing, what with the lack of 4000-word assignments, etc., from my life (how do people survive without pressure?).

30 Rock is a TV show that is centered around the cast and crew of a fictitious TV show called 'TGS with Tracy Jordan'. Meta-TV? TV within TV? To quote Tina Fey - 'I want to go to there!'

What I love about it is that, while being hilarious, it is not one of those shows that easily slides into the category 'sitcom'.

Now, Friends, The Big Bang Theory and the like are all really funny, but they have this - bimbo - feel about them. The best way I can explain it is, if the characters all wore pink tutus and frilly baby blue bows in their hair, it wouldn't look out of place.

In 30 Rock, however, there is a certain air of class. Like an infrared signal that says '*oxford accent* only classy taters watch this, you know, what?'

30 Rock is smart and it makes me feel smart to watch it. I like engaging in 'smart' activities that stimulate my mind and make me look posh to my peers - you know, stuff like watching endless hours of TV, listening to Lady GaGa and 3Oh!3 and playing games like Ice Cream Machine on Neopets.com.

But no, really, 30 Rock has this certain approximation of Simpson-ish humour that really works in a non-cartoon, no-yellow-people environment.

What I love the most about the show, though, possibly even more than the brilliant stab-yourself-to-stop-laughing comedy, is the fact that the show embodies everything I want my life to be - hectic, with me running wildly around a television (or film!) studio, married to my work, doing wonderful things, saving the world, making money, looking gorgeous, marrying Christian Bale.

 

Okay the my life dream/30 Rock analogy ends at 'looking gorgeous'. Refer to the picture above in case the previous statement perplexed you.

Whats in a fanfiction?

Lots!

I've been planning out this Harry Potter fanfiction for a while now, but I really can't seem to get down to writing it. That might have something to do with the fact that I haven't read the books in a while, and don't remember a thing about them.

This is a typical 'Harry Potter' conversation between my sister and me (I?):

Me: (eyebrows knit in perplexity) Does Snape die?

Antara: (eyebrows raised in cynicism): Yes.

Me: (left eyebrow shoots up - I am fascinated) How? When?

Antara: (eyebrows fall calamitously) Have you read the book?

Me: Yes!

*Silence during which the eyebrows perform a series of convulsions*

Me: (eyebrows knit in perplexity) Should I know this?

So maybe creating my own work of fiction based on a popular, thoroughly-analysed-by-other-people franchise like Harry Potter, I should first go over the facts.

But for some reason I can't bring myself to pick those books up again.

I don't know what it is. Maybe its the fact that I know I'm not going to be happy at the end (ref: the hideous epilogue - which I do remember, thanks to its hideousness). I don't tend to remember facts from books, but I do remember stuff like my own thoughts about it, or how it made me feel.

I remember the Read it Yourself: Level 3 version of the The Enormous Turnip excited me no end, because of the exquisite construction of the plot around an objectified thesis - an enormous turnip that promises to be delicious but evades harvest. So did the Time Life book about the three detectives. I remember loving that one because I could trace my fingers along large, intricate pictures of houses, thereby 'following trails'. The Life of Pi made me a little sad. The Lord of the Rings confused me because there were too many characters with similar-sounding names. PG Wodehouse made me laugh. Enid Blyton made me hungry ('hot buttered scones' - heaven! I still don't know what a scone is. But I've always LOVED it!)

Anyway, the Harry Potter series is by far the most brilliant book series I have ever come across. And I want to write a fanfiction not only as a tribute to it, but as a means of commentary on the book - an artistic book report or review, of sorts.

I have ideas, but I don't know how to start, or where to end - and I have a feeling that the key to this lies in the books themselves.

I've forgotten my point.

But hopefully I will return soon with a ravishing tale of intrigue, suspense, action, romance, and deep spiritual awakening. Like in a Hindi movie. 

30 Rock

I have recently started watching 30 Rock - the TV show with Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey. It is probably one of the most brilliant pieces of film I have watched in a while.

For the sake of my own amusement (and possibly yours, assuming you are a human being and are capable of being amused, and not merely the vacuum of cyberspace), I am going to conduct a 'Pros and Cons' analysis of 30 Rock in comparison to The Big Bang Theory, to try and figure out which I like better.

Actually, I'm not. I can't be bothered to make an actual list. I can't come up with categories and sit and grade each TV show out of ten. 

And frankly, I don't really care which one I like more.

I doubt anybody does.

I can't write anymore. This is one of my many futile attempts at squeezing my brain to try and wring out a worthy-of-readership sentence/phrase/word even. Like when you pick and pick and pick at a blackhead but it just doesn't come out.

30 ROCK! I LIKE 30 ROCK BETTER! SO SUE ME!

Floating Around

Its strange how a city like Mumbai, which, when looked at from a distance, appears to be so alive and cosmopolitan, is, essentially, so... synthetic.

Theatre is dying, as I discovered the moment I embarked upon the fantastic journey of theatrical conquest. But I'm not just talking about theatre. I'm talking about art in general and I'm talking about it abstractly. I'm talking about individuality, the bohemian panache that accompanies the artistic temperament.

Take coffee houses, for example. The moment you say 'coffee house' you think of two places - Barista, or Coffee Day. Both synthetic, both over-priced, and both brimming with customers at any hour of the day.

Which is disgusting, really, because it only proves how we, as consumers, are slaves to marketing.

Sure, there are a lot of 'underground' places to hang out with friends, but with a CCD or Barista at every street corner, its a little hard to not walk in a couple of times a month, just for the sake of convenience.

Its a sad state of affairs, really. What's happening to people's wild artistic sentiments? Do people actually LIKE bumming around at places like Coffee Day? Do people actually LIKE patronising mass-produced lifestyles? 

And I'm not saying I strictly abstain from these Houses of Sin/Brothels of Coffee/Shitty Cafes - call them what you will. I don't. And thats precisely why I hate them so much. 

The fact that, whether I like it or not, they have made themselves a part of my life, and I'm not allowed to be in control anymore. 

Its a Girl Thing

I can be said to be a victim of over-tallness syndrome, and it not unusual for me to get a lot of remarks from strangers on the road. For example, there's the classic 

'Wow' (accompanied by a wonder-struck, upturned visage).

Or, most common when in the company or orthodox, short, fat, Indian women,

'You're never going to get married' (said with a sense of distinct disapproval).

I've blogged before about the disadvantages of abnormal height. Actually, any physical abnormality has its disadvantages, in that the sufferer of the said disadvantage is subjected to a lot of annoying remarks from strangers and loved ones alike. Some people are merely curious; others, astounded; most see it as an opportunity to exhibition their self-glamourised sense of humour.

So, yes, I also get a lot of the,

'How's the weather up there?' 

and

'Oh! My neck is breaking! Help! Hahahahah!'

All this I have gracefully learned to live with.

What really killed me, was when I went to Jimmy Choo last week and fell in love. 

Oh, he was beautiful, and soft, and pink, with the perfectly crafted platform sole, and exquisitely fitted stiletto heel. It was the stiletto heel that drew me to him: the heel that my own heels melted into, that my calves tensed for, that my back arched towards. And it was this very four-inch heel that rejected me. Waddling around the shop floor, bent over double so as to avoid spoiling the nice ceiling, I was the laughing stock of that boutique for a good five minutes. I had to leave feeling hurt, rejected, and inadequate. I took one last look at those beautiful heels, and walked out of the shop with whatever precious dignity I had been left with.

El Post Primero

So.

We begin.

This is not my first blog, I did used to have a nice little page before, but I grew a teensy bit sick of that, and decided to make a new one.

You can't put too much of yourself in one place for too long, you begin to stagnate.

I don't really have anything to rave or complain about today, so I'm just going to bum around trying out fancy blog templates and things right now. But don't worry, words of wisdom will follow shortly.

I watched the new Batman movie a few days ago. Our seats in the theatre weren't that hot (and thats my fault), but the movie was worth it. The father can be a bit of a snob about bad seats and things like that, but that fact that he sat through the movie with only a slight bit of cribbing kind of speaks wonders for its appeal. I wouldn't call it art, heavens no, but it was awesome, yes. And the Batman bloke was just FIT, tons of fun to look at:P